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The Escape was not a liberating experience

I haven’t publicly lamented about my recent and ongoing car troubles so I’ll spare you from those at least temporarily. They promised transportation and I was excited to see what kind of vehicle I would receive. Upon learning that it was a Ford Escape, my heart sank into the depths of my bowels. I’m thouroughly convinced that the death trap that I’m currently driving will be the end of me. The man behind the counter did not seem to mind.

I’ve decided that my current automobile is a piece of junk. It’s failure to transport me from point A to point B is unacceptable. It frequently decides that I need to be dropped into the dark ages by resetting my clock at random intervals. Trying to be on time for something is harder than getting a law passed on the Senate floor these days.

In addition to ruining my perfect track record of being on time, the car sometimes decides that it does not want to start up. You can turn the key but it emits something along the lines of a whimper and then refuses to start. When I say whimper, I mean whimper. It sounds like it’s crying. I can almost hear it saying “I’m sorry daddy, I’m trying.” Well goddammit, son, you’re not trying hard enough!

It’s not like this problem is new to this car. I’ve had this problem over the last year and brought it to the same monkeys each time. When I arrive their smiles are from ear to ear, and their hand shakes firm. They always assure me that my car will be handled quickly and completely functional within a day. I know this to be untrue, and I think you the reader know what it’s like to bring your car to a dealership. It’s almost like flushing your money down the toilet the result is the same, you get nothing in return for your hard earned green backs.

Unknown to most people, dealerships are equal opportunity employers. However, that “equal opportunity” is only extended to primates. I did not see one human working in this facility. Even the foreman was a monkey. It certainly brought new meaning to the term “monkey wrench.” I’m convinced that they only work for bananas because there were plenty of peels on the floor, enough in fact for the Three Stooges to have a party.

In closing, I can’t express how much displeasure this entire affair has caused. I’m currently driving a vehicle that can only be described as a death trap. My car has been in the shop 4 times in the last year and still has the same symptoms regardless of whatever part they decide to replace. To top it off, I left a package in the car that I was going to ship out this weekend. The only thing I can be thankful for is the weekend. My promise to you is to consume as much “Spiced Iced Tea” that I can get my hands on.

Before I forget, J and I sorta have a project that we’re working on. The website, Binary Playground, pretty much sums up what’s going on in that department. I know I promise you an article on my Xeon server but something has come up. I’ll just say one word, and it should silence those who believe that the article exists somewhere in the 5th dimension, “watercooling.” I’ve got parts on the way so expect something relatively soon. Remember, the clock in my car doesn’t work, it’s not my fault.

One thought on “The Escape was not a liberating experience

  1. Heh, that was actually a decent entry Kev. I’m sorry about your car…I know this is hard on you. I love you and I just hope it’s all done and over with in regards to the problems with your car.

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