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I Am Without Speech

There are few times in my life that I am speechless. Those who know me, can attest to this. However, lately, I have been very speechless. It’s hard to find words on how I feel about things in my life right now. I’ve received my fair share of sucker punches in the past but this latest one was really hard to recover from. I got the call in the morning, as I was getting ready for work. When I saw the caller ID reporting that it was my dad, I was half expecting some bad news. I was right, my grandfather had passed away that morning, May 1st.

My initial reaction was complete shock. I did not know how to react or what to say. I just kept repeating, “oh my god.” As if those words would make the news go away. When I was told the details of his untimely demise, the sound of silence could be heard from miles. I had nothing to say but only felt waves of guilt and grief wash over me.

I had not been up there to see him for close to a month. I had talked to him over the phone a few times but that isn’t the same as seeing him. I can’t even begin to describe what he was like, he had such a full life, it’s hard to sum up in a blog posting of all places. This is hardly the venue for a eulogy for such a great man.

I’ve begin to deal with the fact that he is no longer a part of my life. It’s hard to think about it too much because I get misty in the eyes. Seeing pictures of him makes me instantly sad. I just want all of this to be a cruel lie on April Fool’s and find out that he’s really OK. I know that is not the case but I wish it were.

There were so many things that were left open and incomplete. I wanted gramps, as I often called him, to see me graduate from college. I wanted him to be there for all the happy times to come. I always enjoyed his encouragement, he was not one that gave it easily, when he was willing to give it. I enjoyed his jokes and off the cuff remarks that most people didn’t hear.

This man had a nickname for everyone. I think it’s how he remembered everyone’s name. He was always really sharp when it came to things like that. Not to mention, he knew how to do anything regarding home repair and construction, car repair, or gardening. There was a time in my life when he had an ongoing appointment at the Dimond household every Saturday to help out on a project we were working on.

Later on in his life, he became more of a foreman than a worker. He was always supervising what was done and was always quick to point out what we had done incorrectly. But that’s what we loved about him. He wouldn’t lie to you, he’d be brutally honest. It’s hard to take sometimes, especially if you messed up that concrete mixture with too much water.

I’m not sure if I have a point to this post. I meant to write something awhile ago. I just hadn’t worked up the nerve to do it yet. What do you say about a loved one when they passed? I’m going to miss him terribly. I’ve already been up to my parents house where he lived his last two years. It’s weird walking by his room and you expect to see him sleeping in his leather chair but he’s not. I had to work up a lot of courage to go into his room by myself at night. After the wake, my mother asked me to close the windows in his room. I said I would but I secretly cursed the idea of going in there by myself. I swallowed heavily and walked out there. It wasn’t as creepy as I imagined it to be but it was defintely not easy walking in there. I think I’ve been watching too many movies and too much TV.

Anyways, to my point. I’d like to pay tribute to one of the best men on the planet, Glenn McCormick, you will be truly missed but not forgotten.

I would like to add that it took so long to post due to the fact that the WordPress Database keeps going down randomly. I’ve emailed Dreamhost three times about the same issue. I think they’re getting tired of me sending them nasty notes about their screwed up server. Oh well, keeping screwing up my blog and I’ll keep sending ’em boys! :)

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